The Two Gallivants

“Ohne Alkohol” – GoApe in London

everyonegoinapeStaying off the boozy woozy is proving difficult – listening to two severely panelled girls at a house party at 3am argue about which of them would make a better angel in a nativity play, despite neither of them being remotely religious, was an eye opener into the ridiculousness pissed up ejits come out with! Watching my mates have races up a pillar inside a middle class bar in Crouch End, full of boring types in their Gap winter gear, I wanted to just get steaming and join in. I was severely tempted to cast off the shackles of sobriety and ignore social embarrassment with wanton abandon and join them on the pillar, but I haven’t faltered. My quest to keep the drink from my lips remains strong and true thanks to the wide variety of alcohol free sauce out there. The ohne alkohol beer provides a great guise of “fitting in”, saving me from having to sip a cappuccino at 11pm down the pub, which one mate said “just wouldn’t be allowed”.

And so….instead of dealing with a hangover after a heavy night goapesignout, this weekend I went to GoApe in the Enfield area of London. A brave pack of 10 wannabe monkeys set off for Emily’s sister’s birthday to mess around on zip wires and Tarzan swings above the canopy of Trent Park. Getting there is a piece of piss –we just jumped on northbound Piccadilly from Finsbury Park and in 25 minutes we were in Cockfosters. Then it’s only about a 5 minute walk to the GoApe playground.

After a short induction, safety talk and practise at using the climbing hooks, which I failed at given that I had apparently fallen out of a hypothetical tree, we made our way to the real thing…..

walkin…we had a bit of tester at a low height and dug deep into our primate selves to get ready for the task ahead….

monkeyme monkeytom ted…steadying the nerves, we scaled up the ladders, keeping a watchful eye ahead of us – trying not to look down…

ladder2  ropebridge1.jpgpreydntlookdown….negotiating various obstacles and bumpy landings…

obstacles.jpg tomonawireemilyropetomlanding ….getting higher and higher until the course climaxes in a massive zip line back to base, a class ending to a great wee adventure. Although a ticket is a little on the steep side at £32 a head, I would recommend it for those with a bit of a bigger budget and who like to mess around with ropes and ladders and get an adrenaline rush now and again.

I even managed to grab a selfie with the man himself back at the ranch, Senior Goape!


that’s a monkey pose I’m doing, not a pout…honestly!





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