The Two Gallivants

“Sunday Post” – a funny oul day at the Mall!

OK, OK so it’s not very “traveller” of us to swan round shiny, modern malls packed with all the brands and designer names that we get back home. But cut us a bit of slack, we’ve been on the road for so long that shiny and modern is now our break from the norm!

So mid-week we hit up one of the slickest temples to consumerism in Chiang Mai, Central Festival. It comes complete with an ice rink, a fancy cinema showing all the latest releases and all the shops you could ever need. Here’s how to find it…

We had a random day of fun planned at Central Festival (well, random compared to our usual days of jungle treks, lazing on beaches and wandering round Buddhist shrines anyway). We were to start with a bit of shopping before busting a few moves (or falls) on the ice, followed by a spot of lunch and then catching a movie. It seemed like a foolproof plan at the time, but what we learnt in school about Robert Burns and his warnings of  little mice scuppering plans or whatever rang true and the day didn’t exactly go as expected!

After buying a couple of pairs of shorts in the usual manner of normal people in a standard shop situation, i.e. without any undue drama, we went to the ice rink. We paid for an hour on the ice and rented a couple of pairs of ice skates. Fine, that was easy….wasn’t it? Um, no. The ice skates were humdinging with various noxious odours and even worse, the biggest size they had was 2 sizes too small for me. I crammed into the skates anyway and dragged myself round, holding on to the side of the rink almost in tears with the pain, made all the more worthwhile when I realised the Thai ice skaters were all crying with tears of joy at the awkward farang making a fool of himself! Needless to say, we called it a day on our ice skating adventure about 10 minutes later as the lure of a juicy steak and pork ribs in Sizzler seemed a better option than pain and humiliation on the ice. A safe bet, surely?!!

One hour and a ton of tangy spare ribs later and I was trying to discreetly vomit, if such a thing could ever be done, out the whole pig I had just inhaled. Always the glutton, I had stuffed my face to the point of bursting and now had to bear the second humiliation of the day when I heard Thai voices laughing outside my cubicle in the mall toilets as I whimpered into the porcelain bowl…

Despite all this, we found the whole calamity of the previous couple of hours pretty funny, it was like a Chevy Chase movie or something similarly stupid, and so were in good spirits as we took our seats in the “special effects” theatre to watch Lucy.

lucy-trailer

I think Chevy Chase would have brought more sophistication to the role…

We came away thinking that maybe we were too hard on Chevy Chase, his movies were silly, but at least he knew it. Scarlett Johansson’s Lucy character could supposedly use 100% of her brain after a mishap with some drugs she was supposed to mule from Taiwan to Europe. Despite her new found genius and attaining the next stage of evolution she still didn’t realise she was part of possibly the stupidest film ever. It was that bad though it was almost good, in a comedy way that is. Add to the mix unnecessary “special effects” in the cinema – chairs that jerked and jolted irrelevantly, and spat out water in your face and prodded your back when someone on-screen got a smack by Lucy or got shot – and we lost it. We left the cinema doubled over with laughter given how ridiculous the movie and the rest of the day had been and jumped in a cab for a very normal (and boring) ride home.

The End.

Well except for this beautiful sunset pic I took midweek from our balcony…

3Declan

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