The Two Gallivants

“Sunday Post” – the spa that was a little too relaxing…

At the start of the week, we decided that the stress of figuring out which delicious food to have each night, what kind of fruit shake to wash it down with and where to watch the sunset over the mountains was all getting too much! So, we thought to ourselves, we deserve a spa day, it is absolutely essential!

Emily had been to Kiyora Spa for a massage before and thought it was great, so we checked out their website and took it to the next level of pampering…two “Escape from the City” packages. The package includes a body wrap, a full body massage and a deep facial, and a free pickup from your accommodation.

We were collected by car on a calm and sunny Monday morning and taken to the beautiful spa, which is near the centre of town but has been cleverly planned and decorated to give you the relaxing impression that you are away from it all…

about_our_spa_massageDespite my natural disposition to awkwardness in spa type situations, I was set at ease immediately on arrival. Everyone was really nice and didn’t laugh at my ignorance of what the different types of massages were or what facial to have, or which oils or the pressure I would like the masseuse to use. The staff were just amazingly friendly, helpful and gave us a tasty herbal tea while we filled in the forms.

We then went to our private room and were greeted with big smiles from our two masseuse women. They left the room so we could get changed into the spa pants and robe provided. Thankfully I had brought my swimming trunks, as their spa pants looked a little weird on me – well, woman’s black knickers that are 10 sizes too small and become see through when stretched is not a strong look!

images1We lay front down on our spa beds as the women got to work. Expertly they massaged our body wraps into our backs and legs and I was feeling very relaxed indeed. Next we turned over and the girls applied my chocolate and Em’s green tea wraps to the rest of our bodies.Then things started to go a bit wrong.

I am not the best person in the morning and it takes me a while for my muscles and my brain to get going properly. So if there is any chance of them slinking back into their slumber in the few hours after rising, they’re gonna take it! As the woman covered the remaining part of my chest in the sweet smelling chocolate sauce I was enjoying it from afar. Watching the proceedings from a small window in my brain that was shrinking and shrinking, I heard the wind rattling against it…boom! I woke with a start and almost head butted the masseuse. ”Sorry” I said “must have dozed off there”. She sniggered, in a friendly/embarrassed kinda way. I could sense Emily’s beaming face, as I often can when I know my peculiar actions will have caused her some social discomfort.

images2Sorry” I said again and settled myself back down after the woman had covered me in a thick blanket and left me laying there like a little chocolate cake warming in the oven. I felt like I was in the oven less than a minute when another boom! I awoke with another jump and more apologies. I caught a glimpse of Em’s mortified face. “Jeez”, I thought,  “I was only sleeping a minute”. Er…no. Em said afterwards I was snoring for a good 15 minutes until it got so loud that I woke myself up, but not before letting rip with a good loud fart in my sleep to the muffled laughter of the spa women! Oh Jesus.

Thankfully at the time I didn’t fully appreciate the extent of how relaxed I was. Apparently I continued in the same vein throughout all three hours of my treatments, staying awake for only long enough to mutter an apology before sliding back into the land of nod!

I imagine they got a good laugh at me that day and I’m not sure I could face going back. Although I did have a wonderful time and fully recommend Kiyora Spa as a place to unwind…just be careful of letting off too much!


Here’s how to find it, if you wanna go…


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